How to know if a First Look is right for YOU

Almost everyyyyy couple I photograph asks me this question…”Should we do a first look?!?” And honestly, no matter what my opinion or preference is, this is a decision that YOU and your fiancé should make! But usually the reason they’re asking me is because they have no idea if a first look is a good decision for them or not! SO I decided to make a little list of things that will hopefully help you determine if this is the best choice for you and your loved one on your wedding day!

I think first looks are a great idea if:

- One of you tends to be shy in front of large crowds. Usually, if the groom gets nervous in front of lots of people, his genuine reaction might get lost amidst the nerves of the moment. Same is true for the bride. If you’re shy or nervous, doing a first look usually creates a less pressured environment and helps you focus on the moment, not the nerves. I’d also like to add, I don’t believe first looks take away from the emotions that aisle creates. Even if you’ve seen each other before the ceremony, there is something really powerful in the moment that walking down the aisle creates. Its an emotionally charged moment regardless.

-You want a few minutes of one on one time with each other before the day starts. Sometimes, brides (or grooms) can get very nervous, and usually seeing & talking to each other before the ceremony calms them down and helps get rid of some of the nerves. It also allows you two to get to spend some uninterrupted time together alone before the craziness of the day continues, which can be really intimate and special!

-You have a tight schedule & want more time on the back end of the day. Obviously, first looks are special because you get to see your spouse before the ceremony, but it’s also helpful when it comes to the timeline. The day usually tends to run a lot smoother and quicker when couples do first looks, because that means most of the photos can be done before the ceremony, which frees up a lot of time after the ceremony, for couple portraits, mingling with guests, dancing, eating cake etc. It honestly boils down to when you’d prefer to have more time, at the beginning or end of the day.

First looks might not be the best decision if:

-You’ve always dreamed of seeing your spouse for the first time at the altar. Some couples feel pressured to do a first look when that’s not what they envisioned. You should NOT feel forced to do something you don’t want to do! There isn’t a right or wrong here, its truly what you want & what works best for your day.

-One of you wants to do a first look, but the other doesn’t. Its reallyyyy important that you come to a mutual decision on this, and that you’re in agreement!

-You’re not a morning person. LOL this isn’t a joke hahah. Like I said above, first looks usually require you to schedule out the day with more time on the front end. Which means you’ll have to start the day earlier than if you chose NOT to do a first look! If you’re getting married later in the day, this doesn’t reallyyyy apply, but it still requires that your day start earlier.

With all of this said, I don’t think one option is better than the other. I’ve photographed a lot of weddings, some couples chose to save their first look for the ceremony and it was SO emotional! Some chose to do a first look privately, and it was also a really beautiful moment. Most would tell you they don’t regret their decision either way! I didn’t do a first look at my wedding, but I did chose to talk & pray with my husband behind a doorway before we walked down the aisle, which definitely helped with the nerves and was a good hybrid of both options. No matter what you choose to do, it will be special & intimate because it will be YOUR moment & YOUR day!!!

Is COVID 19 forcing you to elope?? This is for you!

What a WILD time to be alive. Our world if facing some pretty unexpected twists and turns, which are affecting the lives of SO many individuals, including bride & grooms everywhere. So many couples have been dreaming, planning, and working on their weddings for months and months, and are now having to drastically shrift their plans.

Most couples are choosing to elope, since venues have closed and everything is so uncertain. Yet, if you’ve been planning & dreaming of a large, wedding celebration, eloping might seem like a let down. Might seem second best. Might seem like a disappointment.

So I wanted to encourage any couples who are possibly choosing or considering to elope. These words are from brides who have eloped over the past year, hoping to offer some hope & encouragement for all those uncertain couples who are considering eloping!

Kendall Andrews:

Having an intimate ceremony in a beautiful and quiet place was easily the best decision ever (other than marrying my best friend)! Wesley and a I got married on Max Patch Mountain last summer at sunrise and it was marked with intimacy and holiness. I wasn’t focused on anything except for my groom and I was surrounded by my absolute closest family and friends. I really felt like the people there were going to champion our marriage not just on that day, but for the rest of our lives. I always dreamed of the big wedding and walking down the long aisle with hundreds of sets of eyes looking at me in white, but when the day came, I only cared about one. I couldn’t stop staring at Wesley as we got closer and closer. It may seem like not having a crowd is less special than eloping, but having an intimate ceremony is something Wesley and I will never forget or regret BECAUSE it was so special. We served communion to those who were there and got to personally serve each person since the crowd was so small. We felt like our people were part of our ceremony and it made it even better than I got to see the smiles and tears on people’s faces (and hug lots of people) in the middle of our wedding. Our elopement felt unrushed and exactly the way we want to remember it in all the most beautiful ways. Be encouraged future bride or groom that your marriage is worth celebrating forever, not the wedding itself. Whether there are people in the crowd or not, you’re stepping into a holy covenant and the love of your people will be with you no matter what! 

Kelly Parker:

My husband and I decided to elope after months of planning a huge wedding & suddenly calling it off. We have no regrets at all & actually talk all the time of how we wouldn’t change a single thing. Don’t get me wrong, it took a lot of time to come to this decision as it wasn’t our first choice but the more stress, debt, & worry we acquired the more we realized just how right eloping was for us. The wedding we were planning became more of a showy event for hundreds of people & less of a lifelong commitment to each other. The best part of eloping was the complete absence of stress, saving so much money for other things we felt were so much more important, & getting to really make our day uniquely ours & so intimate in every way. I can say with confidence that there was no '“worst part “ of eloping because it made that much sense to us. My one & only tip for any couples considering eloping is that there are no rules to it, as long as you & the love of your life are happy together at the end of the day that’s truly all that matters.

Delaney Payne:

Here are some reasons why we are glad we eloped: 

- we got to go on a trip of a life time to Switzerland , that we otherwise probably never would have. 

- we were able to focus solely on each other and made the day entirely about what we wanted to do instead of trying to please other people 

- the scenery was so gorgeous, and it being just the two of us in nature was romantic and intimate 

- we got to be 100% ourselves. There was no pressure to look  perfect or act a certain way. We were able to be goofy and silly but also passionate and loving. 

Tips:

-If going to another country, I would make sure you have a solid plan in place for travel, etc. Having a travel guide would be optimal.

- I didn’t get hair and makeup done and wish that I had. Even though it’s a more carefree way to do things, make sure you allot time for pampering so you can look and feel your best

We loved our day and having so many pictures was a nice way of sharing the experience with family when we got back. We also had a tiny service with immediate family and a party when we got back with close friends, so we were able to celebrate in that way!

Kayla Ward:

The best part of eloping…goodness there are so many things! number one, its so intimate! we chose to have a very small number of family members with us and it made it so special! another thing is you can choose to have it anywhere you want without the worry of guests traveling! we'd do it all over again if we could and I would encourage anyone whose considering to elope that they WONT regret their decision!

I know this may be a disappointing or stressful time of your life, but be encouraged!! You’re still getting to marry your best friend, it might just look a little different than expected. So have small backyard wedding with family only or elope just the two of you to a beautiful place and then have a fun, celebratory reception once all the craziness has calmed down! Your day will still be special, no matter what. I love what Kendall said above, “your marriage is worth celebrating forever, not the wedding itself. Whether there are people in the crowd or not, you’re stepping into a holy covenant and the love of your people will be with you no matter what! “

Since this is such a difficult time for so many couples, I’m offering a $400 off discount on my elopement package for couples who getting married during April-July. Email me at kathleen@kathleendew.com for more about the discount & any questions you have regarding eloping!