How to know if a First Look is right for YOU

Almost everyyyyy couple I photograph asks me this question…”Should we do a first look?!?” And honestly, no matter what my opinion or preference is, this is a decision that YOU and your fiancé should make! But usually the reason they’re asking me is because they have no idea if a first look is a good decision for them or not! SO I decided to make a little list of things that will hopefully help you determine if this is the best choice for you and your loved one on your wedding day!

I think first looks are a great idea if:

- One of you tends to be shy in front of large crowds. Usually, if the groom gets nervous in front of lots of people, his genuine reaction might get lost amidst the nerves of the moment. Same is true for the bride. If you’re shy or nervous, doing a first look usually creates a less pressured environment and helps you focus on the moment, not the nerves. I’d also like to add, I don’t believe first looks take away from the emotions that aisle creates. Even if you’ve seen each other before the ceremony, there is something really powerful in the moment that walking down the aisle creates. Its an emotionally charged moment regardless.

-You want a few minutes of one on one time with each other before the day starts. Sometimes, brides (or grooms) can get very nervous, and usually seeing & talking to each other before the ceremony calms them down and helps get rid of some of the nerves. It also allows you two to get to spend some uninterrupted time together alone before the craziness of the day continues, which can be really intimate and special!

-You have a tight schedule & want more time on the back end of the day. Obviously, first looks are special because you get to see your spouse before the ceremony, but it’s also helpful when it comes to the timeline. The day usually tends to run a lot smoother and quicker when couples do first looks, because that means most of the photos can be done before the ceremony, which frees up a lot of time after the ceremony, for couple portraits, mingling with guests, dancing, eating cake etc. It honestly boils down to when you’d prefer to have more time, at the beginning or end of the day.

First looks might not be the best decision if:

-You’ve always dreamed of seeing your spouse for the first time at the altar. Some couples feel pressured to do a first look when that’s not what they envisioned. You should NOT feel forced to do something you don’t want to do! There isn’t a right or wrong here, its truly what you want & what works best for your day.

-One of you wants to do a first look, but the other doesn’t. Its reallyyyy important that you come to a mutual decision on this, and that you’re in agreement!

-You’re not a morning person. LOL this isn’t a joke hahah. Like I said above, first looks usually require you to schedule out the day with more time on the front end. Which means you’ll have to start the day earlier than if you chose NOT to do a first look! If you’re getting married later in the day, this doesn’t reallyyyy apply, but it still requires that your day start earlier.

With all of this said, I don’t think one option is better than the other. I’ve photographed a lot of weddings, some couples chose to save their first look for the ceremony and it was SO emotional! Some chose to do a first look privately, and it was also a really beautiful moment. Most would tell you they don’t regret their decision either way! I didn’t do a first look at my wedding, but I did chose to talk & pray with my husband behind a doorway before we walked down the aisle, which definitely helped with the nerves and was a good hybrid of both options. No matter what you choose to do, it will be special & intimate because it will be YOUR moment & YOUR day!!!

Quarantine Kitchen Project

So I’ve been wanting to paint my kitchen cabinets for a loooong time now. I talked to my husband about it, watched a LOT of Youtube videos on it, and even asked friends who had done it themselves. After hearing how much WORK it was to do, I decided I’d just pay someone to come and paint them.

Aaaaand then quarantine hit haha. After the first few days, I knew I had to come up with some project to work on. So.. I changed my mind and we decided to paint the kitchen ourself! Yes, it was A L O T O F W O R K. But it’s not impossible. We’ve had a few people ask questions on how we did it SO I figured I’d just do a blog post on it!!! Because there are a lot of things you come across & have to troubleshoot that you did NOT read about online. Hopefully this will be thorough and helpful if you decide to tackle this project during quarantine!

Supply List:

Looots of drop cloths

Degreaser or Deglosser (to clean the cabinets. I used TSP & Krud Kutter & I preferred the Krud Kutter)

Electric Sander

Sponge

Tack Cloths

Primer (I used Kilz Original Interior Primer)

Cabinet Paint (I used Behr Premium Semi Gloss)

Paint Stirers

Paint Roller (one for primer, one for paint. For the paint, I used a high density foam roller from Home Depot. Make sure it is a NICE, professional roller.)

Paint Brush (again, make sure they are professional. The higher the price, the better quality the roller. We used Purdy Professional Paintbrush for our trim and primer)

Painter’s Tripod

Frog Tape

Paint Sprayer

Workbench/Table

Step 1: Take down doors & drawers

Unless you want to paint inside your kitchen, which I did NOT want to do because of the mess, you have to take all the drawers and doors off the hinges. We numbered every door (and stuck a piece of tape with the number inside the cabinet as well) , put the hardware inside ziplock bags, and then numbered the bags accordingly. We don’t have that many cabinets but this is a VERY important step so that you don’t loose hardware and you know which cabinet door goes where when its time to put everything back up! Also, it might not be a bad idea to somehow distinguish the top of the door from the bottom. That way you’re not putting them back on upside down ;)

Step 2: Clean the cabinets

You won’t believe how dirty your cabinets are!! So it’s necessary to clean them first. You get mixed messages when you look on online when it comes to when to clean them..before or after priming. I did mine before. But I’m not sure if it matters?! We cleaned with TSP which is really toxic and not good for the environment. I also bought Krud Kutter, and ended up just using that instead. Clean them really well and then wash off ALL the solution with a wet rag.

Step 3: Sand

This is the most tedious part of the process! You’ll also read a few places online that you don’t have to sand, but I’d STRONGLY suggest it! You have to rough up the surface in order for the primer and paint to adhere well. We started off hand sanding it, which was taking foooorreeevverrrrr. So we switched to an electric sander and that sped up everything big time! Once everything is sanded down, make sure to get ALL the excess dust off the cabinets before priming. This is VERY important!! We used a tack cloth for this and those things are LIFESAVERS!!

Step 4: Prime

Once everything has been sanded down and cleaned off, it’s time to prime!! Some paints will be a 2in1, with primer included. But for cabinets, I’d highly suggest doing the primer separately. Yes its another step, but its WORTH it because your cabinets get touched & wiped down a lot and you don’t want paint coming off. We primed our with a paint brush, which was honestly a bad idea. It was very streaky and you could feel the brush marks when you ran your fingers across it. We didn’t want that texture to come through the paint SOOO we had to go back and re-sand everything again after the primer was done drying. Not a fun, additional step. So definitely roll on your primer and just use the brush to get in the cracks.

Step 5: Paint

Once the primer was dry, I wiped down everything again with a tack cloth, right before painting. We set up tons of drop cloths in our garage and put the drawers and doors on the painters tripod, to elevate them so they weren’t sitting on the ground. These things were the BEST. You’ll need 3-4 per door, so get a lot of them. We did our upper cabinets white, lower ones black. So we lined up all the upper cabinets and painted those first. Now…let me tell you the hands down, non negotiable thing you MUST buy before this step, and that is a PAINT SPRAYER. This thing saved our lives!! It was SO quick, SO easy, and gave the most smooth coat of paint!!! I can’t imagine painting them any other way. We did two coats, per side. This took a while, due to the drying time. Once the first set of doors was finished, we put them in our office to dry and went on to the next set.

Step 6: Let them dry

I read SOOoooOOooO many different opinions on this. Some people say to wait an entire week before hanging the doors back up, some people say they waited 24 hours. I’m not sure if there is a right or wrong, but I definitely would rather be safe than sorry. Especially after all that work. We let them dry in our office with a fan blowing on them & waited about 4 days before rehanging them.

Step 7: Rehang all the doors and drawers

If you labeled everything correctly & kept up with which door goes where, this step is easy. We didn’t mark which side was the top & bottom, so that took us some time to figure out. But honestly, it doesn’t reallyyyyy matter if they’re upside down. But its probably easier if you put them back in the correct way.

And that’s it!! We started this project on a Friday late afternoon, finished painting Monday afternoon, & put all the doors back on the next Friday. So all in all, not a horribly long project. You just have to be okay with your house being torn apart for a week ;)

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We also put in a wood backsplash the next weekend, which definitely wasn’t as time consuming as the cabinets were. We bought these cedar planks from Home Depot that were tongue and groove and fit in just perfectly. For that, we measured everything out, made cuts around the outlets, put wood filler in all the holes, sanded everything down really quick, put a few coats of polyurethane, and nailed them to the wall! We continued the wood look to the island as well & redid the stools to tie everything together! Also, we found these amazing wood outlet covers that blended in perfectly and made the outlets not stick out like a sore thumb!

Even though we had no idea what we were doing going into it, it was a super fun project to learn & do together!!! I was nervous the whole time about what the final outcome would look like, but we LOVE the way everything turned out!! Hope you guys are doing some fun quarantine projects yourself!!!

Before:

After:

Is COVID 19 forcing you to elope?? This is for you!

What a WILD time to be alive. Our world if facing some pretty unexpected twists and turns, which are affecting the lives of SO many individuals, including bride & grooms everywhere. So many couples have been dreaming, planning, and working on their weddings for months and months, and are now having to drastically shrift their plans.

Most couples are choosing to elope, since venues have closed and everything is so uncertain. Yet, if you’ve been planning & dreaming of a large, wedding celebration, eloping might seem like a let down. Might seem second best. Might seem like a disappointment.

So I wanted to encourage any couples who are possibly choosing or considering to elope. These words are from brides who have eloped over the past year, hoping to offer some hope & encouragement for all those uncertain couples who are considering eloping!

Kendall Andrews:

Having an intimate ceremony in a beautiful and quiet place was easily the best decision ever (other than marrying my best friend)! Wesley and a I got married on Max Patch Mountain last summer at sunrise and it was marked with intimacy and holiness. I wasn’t focused on anything except for my groom and I was surrounded by my absolute closest family and friends. I really felt like the people there were going to champion our marriage not just on that day, but for the rest of our lives. I always dreamed of the big wedding and walking down the long aisle with hundreds of sets of eyes looking at me in white, but when the day came, I only cared about one. I couldn’t stop staring at Wesley as we got closer and closer. It may seem like not having a crowd is less special than eloping, but having an intimate ceremony is something Wesley and I will never forget or regret BECAUSE it was so special. We served communion to those who were there and got to personally serve each person since the crowd was so small. We felt like our people were part of our ceremony and it made it even better than I got to see the smiles and tears on people’s faces (and hug lots of people) in the middle of our wedding. Our elopement felt unrushed and exactly the way we want to remember it in all the most beautiful ways. Be encouraged future bride or groom that your marriage is worth celebrating forever, not the wedding itself. Whether there are people in the crowd or not, you’re stepping into a holy covenant and the love of your people will be with you no matter what! 

Kelly Parker:

My husband and I decided to elope after months of planning a huge wedding & suddenly calling it off. We have no regrets at all & actually talk all the time of how we wouldn’t change a single thing. Don’t get me wrong, it took a lot of time to come to this decision as it wasn’t our first choice but the more stress, debt, & worry we acquired the more we realized just how right eloping was for us. The wedding we were planning became more of a showy event for hundreds of people & less of a lifelong commitment to each other. The best part of eloping was the complete absence of stress, saving so much money for other things we felt were so much more important, & getting to really make our day uniquely ours & so intimate in every way. I can say with confidence that there was no '“worst part “ of eloping because it made that much sense to us. My one & only tip for any couples considering eloping is that there are no rules to it, as long as you & the love of your life are happy together at the end of the day that’s truly all that matters.

Delaney Payne:

Here are some reasons why we are glad we eloped: 

- we got to go on a trip of a life time to Switzerland , that we otherwise probably never would have. 

- we were able to focus solely on each other and made the day entirely about what we wanted to do instead of trying to please other people 

- the scenery was so gorgeous, and it being just the two of us in nature was romantic and intimate 

- we got to be 100% ourselves. There was no pressure to look  perfect or act a certain way. We were able to be goofy and silly but also passionate and loving. 

Tips:

-If going to another country, I would make sure you have a solid plan in place for travel, etc. Having a travel guide would be optimal.

- I didn’t get hair and makeup done and wish that I had. Even though it’s a more carefree way to do things, make sure you allot time for pampering so you can look and feel your best

We loved our day and having so many pictures was a nice way of sharing the experience with family when we got back. We also had a tiny service with immediate family and a party when we got back with close friends, so we were able to celebrate in that way!

Kayla Ward:

The best part of eloping…goodness there are so many things! number one, its so intimate! we chose to have a very small number of family members with us and it made it so special! another thing is you can choose to have it anywhere you want without the worry of guests traveling! we'd do it all over again if we could and I would encourage anyone whose considering to elope that they WONT regret their decision!

I know this may be a disappointing or stressful time of your life, but be encouraged!! You’re still getting to marry your best friend, it might just look a little different than expected. So have small backyard wedding with family only or elope just the two of you to a beautiful place and then have a fun, celebratory reception once all the craziness has calmed down! Your day will still be special, no matter what. I love what Kendall said above, “your marriage is worth celebrating forever, not the wedding itself. Whether there are people in the crowd or not, you’re stepping into a holy covenant and the love of your people will be with you no matter what! “

Since this is such a difficult time for so many couples, I’m offering a $400 off discount on my elopement package for couples who getting married during April-July. Email me at kathleen@kathleendew.com for more about the discount & any questions you have regarding eloping!

Lauren + Ben// Outdoor Winter Wedding

Alaskan native marries a sweet, South Carolina girl. How the heck did this happen?! That was my thought exactly when Ben & Lauren told me their story! Seven years ago, Lauren’s family took a trip to Alaska to visit some friends, which is how they met Ben’s family. All 3 families hung out while they were there, but then Lauren’s family came back to SC & that was it…or so they thought.

Fast forward a few years. Ben finishes medical school and starts looking for jobs all across the country. He remembers Lauren’s family & that her dad is in the medical field as well & maybe he would know of some job openings or availabilities. So he reaches out to Lauren’s dad, eventually moves to SC, gets a job, and moves into a barn apartment on Lauren’s family’s farm!!! So naturally, Lauren & Ben became friends and started getting to know each other a little better. They started dating in March of last year & got married this past January!!!

To say these two love each other, love Jesus, and love their families SO very much is an understatement. It was so evident in every aspect of their day. They were both the most selfless bride & groom ever, constantly serving others and making their guests feel special & taken care of.

Every detail of their wedding day was intentionally thought out. All the places they chose to do photos had some significance to their story. The front porch of Lauren’s house is where Ben proposed to her, outside of the barn apartment where Ben lived is where they had their first serious conversation about where their relationship was going, the pond is where they took long walks before getting married etc. They also planted two trees on her parent’s farm, so that one day, they can bring their kids to that spot and tell the story of their wedding day & the start of their lives together. I mean…COME ON..how sweet is that?! It was so special to be able to document their story & all the intentional, personal details.

Ben & Lauren, you are carefree, passionate, and joyful people. The love of Jesus gushes from you and it was truly an honor to watch you two become husband and wife. Cheers to forever!!

Also, huge shoutout to my sis Margaret Ann who did a phenomenal job on Lauren’s hair and makeup. And my sweet friend Lexi, for always creating the most beautiful flower magic ever!! This wedding wouldn’t have been the same without yalls creativity- you two are the dream team forever!!

Kelly+Taylor//Max Patch Elopement

Kelly & Taylor. These two made my little photographer’s heart so happy. Originally, they planned on getting married last November, and I was going to shoot their wedding. But a few months before, she emailed me and said they were going to call off the wedding. Still get married, but weren’t sure when, where or what it would look like. I was so bummed, because I really enjoy these two and would have LOVED to photograph them. 

Fast forward a few months ago. Kelly reached out and told me they got married at the court house, just the two of them, back in February. They were legally married, but hadn’t done any photos yet. She had bought a dress last year while she was planning her wedding, but never got the chance to wear it. So she asked if we could do belated wedding portraits. And of COURSE I said yes yes yes yes! 

She asked if I had any locations in mind, and clearly I threw out the idea of Max Patch, in North Carolina. Its seriously one of my favorite places ever. They were down. So one Sunday afternoon, we all hiked up to the top, in wedding dress, tux, and all, and photographed their beautiful love story. 

I so appreciated Kelly & Taylor’s approach to their wedding. When I asked them why they chose to cancel their big wedding plans, she said that over time, they were focusing so much time on their wedding, and less on their future marriage. It became expensive and stressful and they just weren’t enjoying the process. They said they wanted to focus more on starting their marriage off on the right foot, rather than focusing all their time and energy on planning a wedding. Your marriage is WAY more important than your wedding. I’ll always support and applaud people for prioritizing marriage over wedding. I’ll always support people who take the “untraditional” route when it comes to their wedding, if it’s what they love and what’s best for them. 

Kelly & Taylor, thanks for letting me document your love. It’s beautiful just the way it is. I’ll climb a mountain any day for you guys xoxo